Don’t cool down too fast

9°C, dry & windy.


Cooling down takes a some good judgement. Cool too fast and you go too far, but getting back to normal is then more work. In short; I’m cold.
Ikea pasta for supper, it’s different, denser and easier to eat with chop-sticks.
Aubade

work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
– The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused – nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
 
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear – no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anasthetic from which none come round.
 
And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.
 
Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.
 
Philip Larkin

Should I/shouldn’t I

9°C, wind, rain, sun & dark dark clouds


Cycling: forced by the stormy showers to hesitate.
If I go out, it will rain, if I stay in the sun will come out.

William Fitzsimmons* has finally released an album, but it appears to be unavailable here in the UK/.
*Follow the link to the Facebook page for plenty of samples.

Inhibit seratonin reuptake

7°C, breezy, bright & Fresh, c 51 miles


What a contrast: today rode for 3 hours, and no resting. I’m warm (it’s 3°C outside & falling), settled and comfortable. Yesterday, I didn’t & wasn’t.
This is the key to a level mind. This week is very much colder than the same last year, cold is tiring, drys you out, and soporific.

Now I have a hill to climb, but not yet going upwards.

That was…

3°C, winter proper. C=36 miles,


Cycling: not that far, but swept away cobwebs from yesterday. Painted pictures to give away today, they’ve been given, and no photos of them here so there!

The Intensity

14°C, started bright, but it’s drizzling now.


Sore muscles

Ride later: but perhaps I need a rest-day. Various muscles ache, need stretching or steadily burn a bit: hamstrings, quads and trapezoids. Another muscle is giving trouble too; the one that beats against the wall causes so much damned trouble.

I’m going away now to s t r e t c h.

Leonard Cohen, "Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye"

 I loved you in the morning
Our kisses deep and warm,
Your head upon the pillow
Like a sleepy golden storm.
Yes, many loved before us
I know that we are not new,
In city and in forest
They smiled like me and you,
But now it’s come to distances
And both of us must try,
Your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I’m not looking for another
As I wander in my time,
Walk me to the corner
Our steps will always rhyme,
You know my love goes with you
As your love stays with me,
It’s just the way it changes
Like the shoreline and the sea,
But let’s not talk of love or chains
And things we can’t untie,
Your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I loved you in the morning
Our kisses deep and warm,
Your head upon the pillow
Like a sleepy golden storm.
Yes, many loved before us
I know that we are not new,
In city and in forest
They smiled like me and you,
But let’s not talk of love or chains
And things we can’t untie,
Your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

Is this how it works?
On Youtube, 
Solimorphus wrote:

when i was a boy i adored this man with a kind of desperate infatuation
which, i guess, stems from loneliness. now that i am a grown man, and
have a family of my own who love me, i feel we are kind of friends who
meet very occasionally but have an intense relationship regardless.
maybe one day when i am old, and there is no love and hope for me in
this world, i will finally understand him.

Beautifully put; there are writers making gracious contributions on YouTube.

norepinephrine, adrenaline and glucagon

20°C, clear, warm and still; Cycle 64.8 miles.


Feels like the last day of summer; the air is warm, smells sweet and the sunlight warm. Any passing clouds reminded us that the autumn is only so far away and there is little growth in farmland apart from those rich velvety berries glimpsed within hedgerows.
Feels like I could go for ever on that bike, just like last Sunday, no tiredness, no lapsing into poor cadence, just rolling mile after mile, comfortable, unstoppable.

I’ve got work to do, I’m relishing it because I feel more alive than years have seen.
The fronts of my arms have picked up an unfamiliar scent. It’s not mine, but a startling and welcome surprise.Smile

88 miles.

19°C after the rain stopped and the sun came out.


Cycling: Niiice long ride at a fast pace. I only came home because my concentration was fading. The roadspeed was steady- a comfortable but quick pace even once the tiredness came on. My eyesight became slow, and that is bad & unsafe. My legs were happy to continue but I really could do without any injuries from crashing right now.
Five hours of cycling is quality thinking time. Some decisions are made, some are just clearer. Mind you, the last hour usually turns into a fudge, as your body starts to run out of calories.
The portrait I started yesterday is just too big, that may mean getting a spirit soaked rag and wiping it back. Drastic but not a problem at this early stage.

Tapping on the wheel

Cloying, milky air, warm & very humid. 19°C,


Only 32 miles but I must be careful. Last year I was bugged by a persistent chest infection that cut so many miles off cycling. This summer’s rides total 1,000 miles on the bike. So I have answered my home-life-falling-apart with exercise to keep myself sane and sleep through the night. The result is that is I am as fit as I can remember.
Enough of me, let’s talk of something interesting.

 
….that is less humid.

Home by lunchtime

16°C. Cloudy,


On getting home: I had every intention of cycling my restless feelings away. Now all I can see is torrential rain outside. Dammit!
Taking a solo holiday is revealing. Normally I can open conversation casually with strangers without any effort. But this trip I was largely in a bubble isolated from others & I think I know why: perhaps folks mistrust of single blokes travelling alone.

Day 2: Van Gogh Museum

19°C, heavy showers forecast, it’s sunny right now.


2nd full day: more walking planned but I have a blister- let’s see if wearing two pairs of socks helps. I didn’t sleep very well so now have a mild headache; perhaps when I was in Japan blaming my poor sleep on the earth-quakes- I may not have slept anyway.
This certainly is a beautiful city, as expensive as London though.
 
Later: VG museum was far busier then the Rijksmuseum. I had to queue. The tone of the labels was interesting, interesting to anyone learning to paint I’d imagine. It’s clear that various phases in his work were deliberate attempts to learn skills he had identified as shortcomings himself. It’s sad to reflect that he never felt that he’d "arrived" in the sense that he became a professional artist.
 
Anyway; My feet hurt so much from blisters that I am only comfortable in my running shoes. Now is the last part of my stay, tomorrow will be consumed with the journey back and the desire not to miss my flight. Shipol is one of the biggest airports in Europe, I need to get to the right place.
Now, I’d better go and pick up some foodie souvenirs to take home.